im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
