So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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