dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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