I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
