so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
