this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
