Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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