So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
