the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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