woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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