How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
