is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
