I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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