i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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