I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
