Farmville is her only friend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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