At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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