I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
