Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
