Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
