y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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