When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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