but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
