If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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