I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
