I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
