sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
time to smoke my breakfast
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
