they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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