I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
