it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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