On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
