Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
