he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
