I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
