Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sarcasm needs its own font
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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