come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
