just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
