I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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