My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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