I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Small penises have feelings too.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?