I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*