I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
