just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
