Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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