What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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