Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
