addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
