So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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