all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
