I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
