Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize