she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
