OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.