Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
