You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.