I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
