so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
