all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
