I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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