I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
