If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
