Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
