I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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