life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
