I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i barfeds in our rink
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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