I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
