He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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