The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
