Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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