Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
