I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you would pick up someone in the library
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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