remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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