Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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