i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
