He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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