Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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