fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
