He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I forget how to act sober
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