Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
