After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
