just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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