OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
