Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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