I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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