Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
that is very illegal...i love you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
