She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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