i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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