You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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